Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
