Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
