Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
