dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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