if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Success! We fucked roommates!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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