Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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