So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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