i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
