I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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