I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
