So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
