I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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