get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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