So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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