Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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