I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
