I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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