Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
