At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
