Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
