you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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