I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
