We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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