remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
