Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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