I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think my moral compass just broke
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
