He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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