He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
zippers are such a cool invention
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
