I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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