Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
