what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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