I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
