He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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