I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
