Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
