discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
