Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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