If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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