k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
