What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So much Jack, so little girl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
