i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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