Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
