hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
