Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
