I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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