Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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