I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
