ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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