A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
