i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
