I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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