i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
