Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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