More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
