Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
