oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God I need to hump something, right now.
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