I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
