Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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