I murdered the dance floor call the cops
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
