Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
