Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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