I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
