I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I deserve to be covered in dicks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
