You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
